the days have been many since i have had anything to really share. true much has happened, graduation, prom, a small run in with a shovel resulting in a double digit number of stitches, but insight into my life has seemed to have halted. however, the past few days have caused me to think, to grow more as a person. my tastes have expanded, my cares have multiplied, yet parts of my life are deteriorating in front of my eyes. they aren't necessarily parts which i expected to stay in tact forever, but ones i thought i could always reawaken if needed in the future. it isn't specifically the pain of losing said pieces of "me" that bothers me, it's the fact that i have allowed them to slip through my grasp unnoticed, in a carefree manner. yet there are pieces of my past which have been waiting to reappear as if they have been silent embers without anything to ignite. and now they have found that other part to make the spark occur. of course i'm overjoyed in the return of some things, but other things were a struggle to extinguish and their reappearance is causing me to question much of which i believed to be true now. there are old emotions resurfacing and they are causing comparisons to be made. the comparisons are causing an additional flood of thought which has begun to overwhelm a great portion of my thoughts. however, i have the strength of both what i know and how i feel to hold me steadfast in how i view my current situations and how i will continue to live the life i have made for myself.
the strengths which have begun to surface are many in type, yet the inspiration given by them are equal. of course one of the ones that is recurrent is photography. while in massachusetts i had the privilege of a new landscape and willing friends and family to allow my creativity to run wild through. the pictures provided me with a new appreciation for what is around me and what i have begun to take advantage of. living in an area such as coastal georgia, i have grown accustomed to having the beach a five minute drive away and being surrounded by the marshes. this fall in atlanta i won't have the beach to go to and sit for hours in the middle of the night and think. yes i will have the privilege of seeing john mayer in august and coldplay in november, but that is on the opposite end of the spectrum compared to the place of serenity the beach has become for me. although i haven't uploaded the pictures onto the macbook yet, which has been unbelievable in aiding to my laziness out of sheer admiration for the fact this small machine has the capability to do what i want, when i want, and i don't have to leave my room, i will soon post them on my flikr account. there is one picture in particular of a common lily right after the rain that has caught me. the deep purple another such strength has been my new obsession with incubus. of course i have always loved their music, but now it seems like the perfect way to unwind and think is by listening to them. the music these five men have created is mind blowing. it's not just the way they perfectly blend every element of the song to produce a verse, a song, an album full of inspiration, but it's the way they can change the flow of the song, mid song, and still have it be true to them and their style. "anna molly" is one such song. not only is the song beautiful in it's characteristic lyrics, but the way the melody changes with the lyrics, "wait there is a light,
there is a fire illuminated attic,
fate or something better i could care less,
just stay with me a while,
wait there is a light, there is a fire defragmenting the attic,
fate or something better i could care less,
just stay with me a while."
this change throws the listener for a loop, and for myself caught my ear and heart in the same instant. it is for moments like that i live for, and those moments are the reason my passion for music is so great.
another passion of mine has always been the unique nature of objects. one of these objects is my most recent purchase, and my most youthful purchase. it can be summed into one word. moe. moe is not the band, is not a picture, and has a heartbeat. moe is a fish. he was a collaborate pick between josh and i with william and wesley's stamp of approval. he lives in a vase on my dresser with a bamboo shot and the glass stones josh especially picked out to match his navy blue and red coloring. this small beta has brought me much joy in our first twenty-four hours. not only was the trip to petsmart and the time spent there an adventure, but moving him into a spot where he would stay unharmed and happy was an important task. he stays under the wind and has more than enough water to swim freely and happily as long as he desires. moe is not just a fish. he will be the only living thing to follow me to atlanta in a month. it is going to be hard leaving everything behind, especially in a new relationship where i can say i've been happier than i have been. of course i'm not always ecstatic, i let my thoughts and comparisons get the best of me and feel the vulnerability i've felt in the past.
^^^
draft published 1/7/2009
