the addiction of customization.

everyone who knows me knows that shoes are a big part of my life. although i own close to thirty actual pairs, which are not including other tennis shoes and sandals, i buy more that are so unique, so eclectic that i can't resist them and cannot fathom letting them sit there any longer. thanks yet again to modern technology i can now customize sneakers. thank god i am going to college up north and will need a good pair of closed toe shoes. here is the newest addition which i will have to restrain myself from wearing until college.




oh the sheer beauty of them.

color block of hell.

if you ever wondered what you might be able to use that is incredibly intriguing yet makes you want to rip out your own hair, i'll tell you the perfect thing. i'll even make it easier for you, i'll give you an image.

it's a rubik's cube my friends.

these small, colorful blocks bring out to extremely different but exhilarating emotions simultaneously. the first one is a level of intensity in the emotions of determination and joy. you have just mixed up the colors of the block which has taken forever so you don't have two colors repeating in a row, and you are finally ready to undergo the looming task ahead. you must now complete the cube. of course you start off and you get two or three blocks of the same color to line up around the correct central cube only to find that stray block of color on the other side that was supposed to fit right on the corner. in the process of trying to reposition that singular block into the pattern you have already spent five minutes creating, you have shifted all of the blocks everywhere and have to start over again. this process repeats itself until the cube itself is solved. then the emotions of determination and joy are simultaneously juxtaposed with another extreme emotion. one that is very different. this emotion is spite. you begin to hate the cube. you want to peel of the stickers and put them in the correct location to fool everyone into thinking that you have actually completed the endeavor, and, therefore, you are brilliant. of course these different emotions are occuring simultaneously now so the only reaction is one similar to the following one.

that was me approximatley forty-five minutes into my first and sadly only attempt in solving the cube this far. i kept coming so close to attaining my goal, only so watch it disperss in front of my eyes literally seconds later. solving it actually brings such a rush that i bought my own this afternoon. i believe that given more time sunday night, i would have solved it. however i don't believe the people that say it can all be solved by doing the proper algorithms. it is a matter of time and luck. so i ask, how much time do you have, and how lucky do you think you are? the answer to these questions are up to you.

seperation anxiety?

before four o'clock this afternoon i couldn't wait to get out of here and leave for college. the thrill of only having to live with someone for one more year at school and then the freedom of getting my own apartment consumed me. i still have that thrill and the drive to attain that thrill but something has changed.

today nicole asked me to drive her and katie to bryce's georgia/florida party. of course i was going to take her because i couldn't wait to get out of the house, but nicole and i have been getting along really well for once the past couple of days so i didn't think about not taking her. normally nicole and i fight all of the time over the most trivial things, but this past week or so has been different. we are getting along, helping each other out, sharing things, really doing whatever the other may need. so when i was going to pick up katie, she was riding shotgun and was just talking to me. it was like we have finally matured enough to understand each other and our differences but to seek similarities in our personalities. the entire way we laughed and talked like we were best friends and have been forever. the same thing happened when i left for china this past may. nicole and i got to be really close before i left, i was gone for two weeks, and i missed her for the first time ever although i travel all the time. she's the youngest one out of the four of us, and i feel this intense level of protection towards her. hopefully our relationship will stay as good as it has been and not reverse to it's one of constant bickering like before.

don't get me wrong. i'm am still extremely ready to move out and grow up, but i don't want to lose that best friend bond we have begun to form. before i leave i'll get to teach her how to drive, help her through superfluous issues boys cause, and aid her in finishing her sophomore year of high school. it troubles me though that this time a year from now i won't be here for her, and knowing nicole and i, we'll both be too busy to call. i'll have claudia and the kids and everyone up there, but it won't be the same. i won't have someone so close in age to me that we're going through similar situations at the same time. i know that we'll keep in touch but the fact that it won't be daily scares me. i know that she'll come visit me and vice versa but i'm going to miss seeing her blossom her into the young woman she'll become. luckily i'll have nadia to allow me to see the progression i'll be missing. i have realized that the reason i'd miss nicole would be because i have a great respect for her and the person that she has shown herself to be. she is in fact a true, crazy lewis, and one of my best friends who i'll cherish forever.

and i cannot close this window without troubling my conscience until i share this incredible video. it is the video for "a secret that's worth keeping" by the fire restart. although the band has split up and moved into new occupations and bands, they are incredible and will always have a place in my heart for love of music. they are lyrical geniuses and the visual presence of their low budget video is incredible. it truly is a video that flows better than most others, pulls every emotion you have, and leaves you with the feeling of emotional connection and release. the change in the scenery from the plain, sophisticated background of the acoustic to the cluttered yet intimate feel of the warehouse where the band plays is one that aids the video in it's inventive new way to connect with the viewer. needless to say, it is a video worth viewing.

oh today.

today has been amazing for the following reasons:

my new ipod:

my new macbook:

the best commercial i have ever seen:

oh technology. you're so persuasively aesthetic and addicting.

monkey buisness.

this morning in ap economics mitchell informed the group of us sitting at the back table of computers in the media center about the death of the governor of new dehli due to, of all things, monkeys.

here is the article from http://www.livenews.com.au/:


"The Deputy Mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

SS Bajwa fell from his first-floor terrace home on Saturday morning, and suffered serious head injuries when he was trying to fight off the monkeys.

Dehli is well known for its problem with plagues of monkeys, who invade temples and government complexes, steal food and frighten passers-by.

The city has tried to curb the plague of primates, by employing monkey catchers to round them up so they can be moved to forests.

Culling the monkeys is seen as unacceptable to devout Hindus, who revere the monkeys as a manifestation of the monkey god Hanuman.

Mr Bajwa, a member of the opposition Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), leaves behind his wife and son, according to the Press Trust of India news agency."


my first reaction was if people are getting killed, why not kill some of the monkeys lessening the population or do anything to improve the situation? of course the article answers this question for me in that the people believe it is hanuman.

let us not of course forget the great picture accompanying the article:


oh humanity.


what is god, a god, any god(s), whatever higher being you may believe in be telling us? maybe it's that we need to recognize that we are not alone and that we are affecting the lives of other things with our actions? but that's just a guess.

"picadilly circus" by our last mistake.

for some reason this song hits a new level, brings me a new type of high lyrically and instrumentally than most any other song i have ever heard. i first listened to the vocals of emily brynne when she sang the acoustic melody to the fire restart's music. not only does her voice bring a new level of tranquility, but the words seem to reflect what seems to be going through my mind currently. and the guitar in the background is reminiscent of another song which took my heart by storm not too long ago. the lyrics are sheer genius and give the listener this rejuvenating feeling in which describing it would only manage to strip it of what it is. for some reason it makes me feel free, unbridled, and calmer than before. it brings a flood of emotions from sorrow to sheer joy, and, truthfully, the song scares me. the scare it brings is not a bad one. unlike their song "pictures in the clouds" which is amazing in it's own context, "picadilly circus" hits deeper emotional notes in my soul. and the image it brings to mind is not a singular one. they are amazing ones something like these.

one of organized chaos of progressive life:




one of the innocence of youth:





one of the human need for companionship:



one of the mind's unending pursuit of truth through confusion and its quest for clarity:






one of the renewal of life when that ultimate happiness is regained:

life in a nutshell?

wow. it's amazing to think that so much has changed since that last entry in may. i've learned so much as a sister, a daughter, a student, and an individual. i've learned what is trivial and what to live with or without. most importantly, i've learned more about myself and in doing so have matured.

i cannot fathom being that young, naive girl again. it wasn't even the naivety of myself that stuns me. it's who i thought i was. who i thought i wanted to be. i've realized now who i am. who i've wanted to become. before i was thinking only of what others expected of me, and, therefore, what i expected of myself. i've realized that although i'll be heartbroken if i don't get into amherst, it's not going to be the end of the world. i can and will survive. hopefully the pressure of succeeding will diminish, although i recognize deep down it will not. i've seen my fears and now have come to terms with what i want. what is the kara who will be happy? who is the kara i hope to become? one who is not alone. i want to blossom into an incredibly remarkable, intellectual human being who people look at and think wow, this person really has a purpose. i don't want to be alone. that thought scares me the most. all i want is to grow old with someone. have a family. i don't want money, it doesn't bring happiness. i don't care the lies people feed me. i know i only need someone who loves me for who i am and i will be happy. the shear thought of aging scares me. i want to be in my youth forever. not youth as in my age now, but youth as in thirty. in the prime of my life. i want to be clear thinking, i want to be able to do as i please. the thought of losing all of that scares me.

however, life now is becoming increasingly thrilling. this summer taught me a lot. i learned who real friends were, i learned the hardships of betrayal, i learned how it feels to be truly reckless and carefree, and, most importantly, i learned more about me than i ever dreamed existed. did you know that movies such as wicker park make me feel these sparks of undying energy that run through my very being and shake everything i know as true? did you know that music is what drives my being? most likely that one you did know. but to add on to that, did you know that my every mood is affected by my music? god i wish i was more musical. or not even that. that i could be unafraid to show people the talent god has given me. like last night for instance, i wanted to sing the words at the top of my lungs. i was so afraid to though that they came out in a form barely more audible than a whisper. did you know that i despise hanging out with most people that are still in high school? i love my friends, but there is a limit to my intellectual development they cannot push past. well, majority of them. there are exceptions such as valarie and catherine which make me a deeper, enlightened person. but besides those friendships, those people which have become my sisters, every other friendship probably will not stick with me throughout college and after. however, that is very untrue with my boys. the loves of my life. they are my brothers and i would be lost without them. i know that it alarms my mother that they are twenty, but she understands the bond with them isn't a "horny group of adolescents" one. she knows they are truthfully people that without them i would most likely fall for anything. jay, travis, derek, robert, and watson have become a family which is one i am blessed to have found. i know that they will protect me hands down in whatever may happen and be there for me throughout anything. they have and deserve my utmost respect and i don't know how i will survive without them next year. my boys are my heroes.

and now i ask you, is this truly everything? is this the life of kara michele lewis, the seventeen year old who is striving to find even more of herself than she knows exists? i think that it's not. i am bracing myself for whatever i will reveal next. hopefully i will see the beauty. so how can one use the phrase "in a nutshell"? everything is so much more complex than we ever fathomed.