"living is easy when it's night".

i have a feeling that today is going to be a day of many words. they'll flow together into a great white mass that you can sift through at your leisure. some of it may be fragmented, some may have incorrect punctuation, but all will be thoughts that i am experiencing. they are going to be raw. they will be pure. they will most likely be judged by you.

now to begin.

human emotion is a complex thing. i truly don't believe it's a thing. i believe it's a being. one that thrives off our very existence, but our existence needs it to thrive. it never lays idle or stagnant. it's ever moving. it moves through us like a rush of energy, only to surge with different intensities which causes whichever emotion we have. the smallest flow of this energy makes us happy, but the strongest flow is the one of sheer, disheartening sadness. it is incomparable to anything else in the world. emotion drives us, inspires us, and brings us back into reality. emotions are a scary element however. we feel them when we sleep in the forms of dreams. some in black and white. some in color. some in both. and in these dreams emotions try to release only to be wrangled back into the complexity and beauty of the human mind. dreams are not the only thing that make me cautious with emotions. the main reason that they have the scary presence is a rather mind blowing one. emotions present themselves the second you meet someone. they are there and differ from situation to situation. yet for something that powerful, they allow themselves to be repressed. they let us pretend we're something and someone we're not. they take away part of our identity and character, but they are the defining factors of who we are. therefore, does anyone really know who they are? or is it who we are in that moment, and we only are going on what we feel?

music is probably the most complex thing next to emotion. it has this quality of life, this pulsating sensation that causes so much happiness, so much love, so much sorrow, and so much angst. every artist has something different to offer; a different type of work to create; a different type of emotion to evoke. it's amazing to think that so many of these artists are criticized and overlooked by their colleagues. so many different artists have had a great impact on my life in the past week alone. moby for example. his album is the first in my recently added section on itunes. i finally downloaded all of his play album. it is by far one of the most intriguing things i have ever listened to. the first two songs blend together in such a way that the word perfection doesn't serve it justice. "honey"'s vocals are of an older african-american woman singing about something she loves. it could be anything but i've taken it as simile for the man she loves. moby then pairs this with a variety of electronica melodies in the background which diversify and enhance the work farther. the song following it is called "find my baby" and links the two by having the vocals of an older african-american male. the vocals alone are extremely uplifting, but yet again moby's genius shows through. the background melodies are a lot more mellow but still give off that aestheticism. although the vocals appear throughout the album in other tracks, the most powerful of these is the fourth track titled "why does my heart feel so bad". following one of moby's most popular tracks "porcelain", the song carries the same gloriously depressing vibe, yet it is an extremely emotion driven song. you finally have the much anticipated union of the man and woman, but it a disheartening one unlike the happy one we yearned for. it truly parallels the feeling of unrequited love or the loneliness that many feel. the next album i want to touch on is loreena mckennitt's the mask and mirror. it is unlike anything i have ever heard before. her vocals are captivating enough alone, but the fact that the album is in english but you can still hear her irish accent is truly beautiful. the melodies are soothing and carry a traditional feeling. her music makes you want to meditate and find your inner peace, the calm and serenity of spirituality. not in a religious sense, but in a self-enlightment one. it reminds me of buddhism. but i will leave that until later. it is impossible to pick just one of the eight tracks to encourage you to listen to because they all bring something different. "the mystic's dream" is truly the most centering piece on the album. ironically, i first heard it at awakenings yoga before i knew of her as an artist or the song itself. at the time, i thought it was just one of those meditative albums you buy and they come with a yoga mat or something along those lines. "ce he mise le ulaingt?/the two trees" is the song from the album that posseses the most traditional sounds of traditional celtic music. "prospero's speech" is the song on the album with the most entrancing aesthetic quality. it is almost entirely acoustic with just different note tones in the background. all of the tracks are ones that should be admired, listened to, and absorbed however. the lyrics are all carry extreme buy beautiful imagery and are truly from mckennitt's soul. similar to mckennitt's album but entirely different is emmy rossum's debut album inside out. it is the first time i heard her powerfully entrancing voice since she starred as christine in the movie phantom of the opera in 2004. the aura given off by her voice is one so captivating that it's all you can do not to laugh and cry in the same instance. the first song on the album, "slow me down", is the song that i can parallel my life to in innumerable ways currently. the background for track contains no instruments but is all vocal and vocal manipulation. it a song that speaks to the stress and pressure of the real world and how everyone gets so caught up they need someone else to help free them. "stay" is extremely mellowing and possesses an air of anticipation of which the song is speaking. "anymore" is a song of release and personal strength that reaches down into hearts of those who yearn for the ability to be themselves and stand for what they believe at any cost. finally, "been too long" speaks to the quintessential romance that ended so unexpectedly that a pining for that person lingers. it speaks then to the truth of the matter in that the romance could never happen again due to the fact that so much has changed since the romance ended. it is a perspective i have to remind myself to adopt although it rips your heart from the rest of your body and brings a flood of every care, every fear, every laugh, every frustration, and every tear they made you feel. it is truly music like this that i thrive off and cause me to blossom into the person i will one day become.

buddhism is the most fascinating religion. it is truly more of a way of life than a religion in my eyes. i love the simplicity of the stupas where they try to find their spiritual centers by meditating while participating in circumambulation. i went to a stupa called "the peace pagoda" when i was much younger in western massachusetts, and i remember being consumed with it and the four different gold statues of buddha in the four niches. it has now become my goal to return there soon and take it in at this point and time in my life and see how my view changes, how much stronger the intensity has become. also, i love how in contrast of the stupa itself, the toranas are covered in reliefs depicting the life of buddha, other stupas, animals, and yakshis. i admire the culture for using something as intense as the yakshi for their symbol for fertility and the earth goddess. the fact she is a tree spirit and is literally hanging as the one on the east torana shows the respect and adoration of the yakshi by the people. the joining of the yakshis and yakshas as mithuna couples is also extremely powerful in the way that it represents the energy in the perfect union of male and female. although there are many other things that i find entrancing about the faith, i am in love with the mudras. the fact that each one is a different, unspoken word that is translated by a simple movement of the hand is remarkable. although i see the signs of christ blessing us, comforting us, and welcoming us in my faith, the portrayal of these same things in the buddhist religion seems so much more elegant. also, i find myself drawn towards the chakra. the wheel representing order, balance, unity, and peace in oneself. it is so simple, yet so complex. it a pure symbol, and one overlooked by many today. i love that buddha has them on his hands and feet in most sculptures. they're a constant reminder of self-reflection and whatever else may help us obtain nirvana. nirvana itself serves as such a motivation and leads to the spread of wisdom. it is through yoga with the help of music that i hope to obtain this nirvana and peace in myself. i don't want to be an individual driven on stress. i want to be at peace with myself and to truly love myself for all i have to offer. in doing this i hope that someone else who will be enthralled by me and what i have to give, and that i will find that person who loves me then more than i ever thought possible. for now i must remember though that there is never any going back, i can only push forward.

i know i said i would post another harry potter film, but i lied. there will be another one but not now. today has been such a challenge and writing has been such a relief that i need something containing pure joy and humor. one that makes you laugh because you are so happy. one of innocence.