the naked chef.

today has seemed to go by the fastest out of all of our oxford days thus far. i finally figured out how to make the television work so that i can watch the news with my breakfast, yet i still don't know channels so i don't know where to actually watch the news. hopefully i can figure it out soon. today's class was interesting. we covered neolithic and some egyptian art and architecture, but there really wasn't much that i hadn't already learned in classes thus far. however, i did learn something that makes me want to go into cultural preservation even more. when i was in high school, i had learned the great pyramids were covered in a layer of polished limestone, however i was never told that the limestone was covered with inscriptions. apparently during the muslim invasion of egypt sometime around the first or second century ce, a leader of the invasion recorded the fact there were the carvings on the pyramids' exteriors, however he felt that what was said was not important for "if it was truth, it was already in the koran, and if it wasn't true to the koran's teachings, it needed be to be destroyed". they then used the limestone they ripped from the pyramids to construct a mosque, destroying the precious subject matter before it was ever documented. no one will ever know what the pyramids once said, and they might have held information as to how the pyramids were constructed or if they ever held any invaluable information. this, combined with learning that the new museum in berlin refuses to return the bust of nefertiti back to the egyptian government outrages me. this is solely due to the fact the museum claimed the piece was too fragile to be moved, yet they put in in a traveling exhibition just months later. the small things like this make me want to ensure that the legacy of our international culture continues on and is preserved for years to come. dr. collins and i were talking a few mornings ago about a cave discovered in tibet housing many never before studied treasures of the buddhist faith, primarily books and wall paintings, but they are kept from being extracted by a militant group of people. the world deserves to know the beauties which enhance it, and one day i hope to make a difference in the future of preserving our culture.

after class today i went back to the flat for lunch and to clean, only to have stumbled upon another great bbc show. it is like steve irwin's old show, except it's exclusively about fishing. before i nodded off to sleep, the host, a man with a strong british accent and a personality to match, was in vietnam catching the largest freshwater fish he has yet. a five hundred pound stingray. it has made me appreciate the beaches back home and it's tiny stingrays. it looks like i'll no longer get to use that as an excuse for not wanting to swim at the beach. as i said before, i dosed off, but i had every intention of running when i woke up. however, it is a very good thing i was not able to due to time. in came part one of our excursion for today. punting.

now one may be confused as to what punting is, i know i was when it was first told we would be going. punting is like riding on a gondola, except it's bigger. and harder. and much funnier. we split up into four boats, barry and carley, me and josh, duckie and cleo, and steven and zach. we had not even made it under the bridge before we all turned ourselves sideways, and i being the passenger laughed uncontrollably while josh, the pole wielder, attempted to get our boat turned the right way and going straight. unfortunately, we never really mastered it until we were finished, and we never made it to the thames river. we did however have quite an adventure resulting in me having sore arms and abs from paddling the tiny oar trying to help us stay straight and an idea for the next ast/chi phi mixer. it is so hard to begin to convey josh and i's journey down the tributary, but i can try. we crashed into many boats, row boats, crew boats, crew boats for st. hilda's college, other punting boats, and we even collided with the shore, duck nests, and the side of bridges. luckily, we laughed through everything, and the ducklings and swanlings would swim right up to the boat urging us to continue forward. we'd stop, sometimes intentionally, sometimes trying to turn the boat the right way, and watch the cricket games and practices on the field beside the river, talking to the kids, helping retrieve cricket balls that had fallen into the river, and laughing with them as their friends intentionally hit the balls back into the water. it was after all these things though that i met my new best friend. she was three years old and named anna. she was with two older couples whom i'm assuming were her grandparents, but all she wanted to do was talk to me, giggle, and wave. even when their boat passed ours and she disappeared under the bridge, she turned around smiled and waved until all i could see was her little hand. out of everything that happened punting, her contagious personality will probably be my favorite part of today.

punting ended and we began the journey to find dinner. dr, collins really wanted italian food, and we ended up stopping at the one restaurant i promised i'd make it to before i left oxford. jamie's italian. as in the naked chef jamie oliver. not naked as in no clothing, but naked as in all natural and healthy foods. we had a short wait before we were brought to our tables, but the food definitely proved to be well worth it. before my meal came i ordered a glass of organic chardonnay, di puglia, that was a great first organic wine experience. dr, collins ordered two bottles of montepulciano d'abruzzo, an amazing red wine from italy, for the table to have with dinner. i started my meal with a "my favourite humble green salad" which had a yogurt and fresh parmesan dressing with a few chopped mint leaves accenting its flavor. i also had a bite of carley's "smokey mozzarella arancini", a fried rice ball stuffed with cheese and mushrooms. by these first two tastes of food alone, i knew i was in for a treat when my dinner came. then it was in front of me, a beauty unlike any food before, "scallop and squid ink linguine". i only got the small portion, and it was almost too much to eat. the linguine noodles were very thin and black in color due to the ink, but the thinnest sliced, most tender scallops were layered into the pasta creating a perfect pairing. and only when i thought it could not get any better, out it came. dr. collins had let us order desserts, and i had the perfect slice of tiramisu. it was so rich i gave most of it to barry, but it was unlike the traditional tiramisu i've always known. this one was drizzled with honey and had grated orange zest on it giving it a special hint of flavor. not only did i get the privilege of trying all of these amazing dishes, our group is big on sharing, so i was able to try a special cinnamon pasta, a cheese and asparagus risotto, amazing baked cod, and buffalo ricotta ravioli. i also got to sample the ricotta and honeycomb cheese desert and the raspberry and chocolate brownie. i haven't eaten food this rich and filling in a long, long time, and it completely hit the spot. the naked chef restaurant also brightened our day by providing us with toilets in the restrooms made by the crapper, yes crapper, company. it was the perfect ending to the perfect day.

on a last note, here are the beautiful flowers i stopped to pick after my run yesterday. the pink orchids are called sweet pea's, there's queen anne's lace, and i'm not sure of what the small yellow flowers are. i added a morning glory to the collection now. but i took this picture in the daylight without it, but these wildflowers still speak beautifully without it.

the oopsie day.

so today has been one of complete highs and low. so let me break it down.

breakfast, high. special k with red berries is always a win. especially when they have strawberries AND raspberries. win win u.k.

class, high. although i've taken ancient art history and art and culture, i still learned a lot today. we covered paleolithic cave paintings and venus figurines. here are a few things i didn't know until today. the majority of the horses painted on the walls were pregnant. they did not eat horses, so they must have revered them. in front of some of the horse paintings there are fossilized footprints of both men and women. they were in the pattern of dance steps and were possibly ritualistic in purpose. they had flutes and possibly became inspired by the falling water droplets to create rhythm. the bird headed man with bison was possibly an image of a shaman's trance state. the bird might have been his animal spirit which is why it appears on both his staff and as his face. the shaman wore masks during their spiritual journeys so it would fit that he wore the head of one over is face. the buffalo also has entrails coming out of his side thus speaking to the fact he is dead. both figures have blank interiors which australian hunter and gatherer tribes of today have told us to be representative of something in its spirit state. therefore, the shaman would be connecting with the spirit of the bison, possibly talking of ways to honor him or apologize for killing him. it was the next subject that i found even more enlightening though. the venus figurines have been hypothesized to have acted as a way of exposing a girl to what initial male penetration would be like for them thus enlightening them to sex. also, the figures were more than likely carved by women, not as an ideal body weight, but rather as their desired state of body. pregnancy. the round breasts, hips and thighs, and appearance of love handles in contrast to slender calves and arms are normal body changes that a woman undergoes while carrying a child. they would not be something that they strived to look like year round for it would be dangerous. not only would they face the issues associated with obesity such as diabetes and cardiovascular strain, but they would be unable to be nomadic and protect their children from harm. they may have been used as a means of peace when crossing paths with women from other tribes, or they could have been given to the men as a stimulus to mate when he returned from the hunt. the most interesting venus to me was the venus of laussel for in addition to the incised lines carved into a crescent shape horn which directly correlate with the lunar cycles, she also has a distinctive child figure cared into her womb showing others in the tribe, such as young females, what pregnancy looked like and what to expect.

lunch, high leading to low. i made myself an incredible peanut butter and jelly sandwich paired with strawberries and corn tortilla chips. i then was able to take a hot shower in barry, cleo, and josh's room since duckie and i still don't have any. then the low occurred. i wasn't aware that i needed two convertors for my hairdryer, and upon plugging it into the wall, i blew the fuse for our entire room after a nasty explosion. no lasting damage was done, but it was enough to make me concerned i'd started an electrical fire for the rest of the day.

library visit, high. we visited the bodleian library where we had a demonstration on how printers made books from gutenberg onwards to the twenty century. dr, nash, the man demonstrating everything, broke everything down step by step from the carving of the character to use in the mold to the creation of the letter used in the press to setting a page to making ink to, finally, printing. it was absolutely breathtaking to actually see everything the printmakers went through just to create one book, and they normally printed hundreds. after the demonstration we were then taken upstairs to biew four of the rarest and most unique books the bodleian holds in its collection. they were all books of shakespeare's work, including the original folio printed containing his work, and other books associated with him. the most impressive of the four to me was the folio. i never knew that it contained fourteen plays that would be lost without their documentation in the folio. some of the ones that would not exist today if not for the folio are the tempest, julius caesar, hamlet, and the twelfth night. it is unfathomable to think of a world today without them. it has also inspired me to sit down within the next few years and really read each of his works and learn to appreciate them for the cultural jems they are.

dinner, high. after a quick excursion to the open market for browsing, barry, josh, dr. collins, and myself went to a cafe named puccino's where we had amazing paninis. i chose one with smoked salmon, cream cheese, and chives, and it was so filling i was only able to eat half of it. it also came with a salad with a white honey mustard dressing that only contributed to the meal. after this, barry, dr. collins, and i went to starbucks where i had my first lemon frappacino. it was definitely enjoyable.

back at the dorm, low. i went to get onto this very blog and begin to write about the day wen my worst fear came true. the fire alarm went off. after grabbing my purse and laptop and waking duckie up, i went outside, my mind racing the entire time. i kept thinking "but the hairdryer thing happened at one, it's seven now." luckily for me, the fire alarm went off because someone exposed the heat sensors to high heat at sometime, so the alarm wasn't my fault. i decided to make the best of the situation and go for a relaxing run outside.

run, high, low, high. i was beyond thrilled that carley's roommate was able to tell me where the entrance to the beautiful country path i'd been seeing everyday was, so after running to its entrance of high street, i ha the most relaxing run i've been able to take in a long time. the temperature was perfect, and it was still light outside because the sun doesn't set here until nine-thirty. after a while, i passed the back of venneit close, where we are staying, and noticed there was still a good stretch ahead of me. i ran for another five minutes before slowing to a walk only to pick it up around two or three minutes later. after a while i saw it, my bridge back to the street leading me back to venneit close, or so i thought. i ran for awhile longer, then i was surrounded by things i did not know. somehow i ended up about a mile away from the flat in an area of oxford called jericho. it was a twenty-five minute walk from jericho to the area where we have classes and a ten minute run from there back to the flat. i stopped along the way to pick a few stems of wildflowers for the room, and luckily for me, i bumped into duckie, carley, josh, and barry heading to town to get away from our rooms. apparently the fire alarms were still going off an hour later. no one could turn them off. they said they'd wait for me to get changed and head back their way, so i decided to go out for the evening.

the semi-pub crawl, high. it turns out it was a good thing i made the decision to go out with them. i met up with dr. collins in the hallway, and he told me that the alarm would not be off for another forty minutes. i hastily changed and made my way back to the group, and our small journey started. after seeing that duckie's bookstore was closed, we decided to go to the honey pot, a local pub with a relaxed atmosphere and grab pints of cider ale. unfortunately for me, the card machine was down, and i don't have any paper money, so i was unable to get anything. after we left the honey pot and carley headed to the flats, the remaining four of us went to a gay bar we had walked past a few nights ago which seemed fun to get another round of drinks before we went to sleep. the atmosphere was so fun, and my vodka redbull completely calmed me down from the fiascoes of the day. we found out they are doing karaoke on the first, and we've agreed to go back and grace them with our rendition of don't stop believing. after we finished our drinks, it was time to head back and turn in for the night.

other random highs for the day. skyping with josh and i could actually see him for the first time. i needed that face. i also found the missing blue flower i needed for my bouquet. the cornflower. and here the beauty is.

here is mr. paul nash from the bodleian giving his demonstration.



and the printers from across the centuries. the one closest in the frame is from before the seventeenth century.



and just so i can make your day higher and give you a little of my joy, here is my amazing ring. and me. and how happy i am with where my life is going.

the sandstone city.

so today was my first true day of experiencing oxford, yet it still hasn't hit me that i'm in a different country. but i shall start from the beginning for all of you who wanted the step by step details of my day. so it all began with the planes.

amsterdam. the first european city i was able to see from the small window on the plane. i was awestruck upon first glance for what i first saw of the netherlands was their progress of wind farms in the north sea. i look out to see what resembles fields of wheat or another crop in the united states, but they are ten by about twelve rows of enormous white windmills, the contemporary style of course, miles from shore providing wind power for the nation. beyond words explaining their magnificence, these monstrous sources of power made a cargo ship or barge beside seem to be two inches long. when we finally flew over land, the windmills continued every quarter mile or so, yet their appearance did anything but mar the landscape. the most amazing thing to me was seeing the countryside overtake the land. i knew that the netherlands would be expansive and undeveloped in most areas, but before the airport i was able to see seven cow pastures. the cows appeared tiny from my window, but because i could see the brown and white patterns on each cow, i felt like i was there on the ground with them. the pastures came up and bordered the runway in amsterdam and immediately felt at home. in fact, it still hasn't hit me that i'm not simply in a part of the united states i've never ventured to before. the actual amsterdam airport was so foreign to me though. they had a casino, attractive looking security checkpoints, and it was furnished by ikea. from here we flew to heathrow on a small plane. the flight is the same length as the one from jacksonville to atlanta, but the experience was completely different to anything i would have expected. they gave us small european cookies, produced by kraft, but they put american food to shame. it gave me so much hope for trying new things while i am here. when we taxing to our gate in heathrow, the pilot, in a very sad voice, announced the score for the england/germany world cup match, and upon his declaration of germany being up a goal, the entire plane except for our group let out a unanimous moan of disdain. from here, the next adventure was customs which was a breeze. then came leg three. the train.

we took a free train from heathrow to paddington station on a luxurious train that marta look as if it was made one hundred years ago and never maintained. we had wifi, luggage holders, and tinted windows for the fifteen minute ride. when we arrived at paddington station and bought our tickets for oxford, we had around a half hour to kill before our train boarded. i was extremely tempted to by a real paddington bear, however i think i'll save that for my next trip to the station when we arrive in london for the last bit of the trip. the train to oxford was less modern and up kept, but it was still first class compared to anything american. one has to push a button to both open and close the doors saving both power and letting the conductor know when the train has filled. the ride was an hour in length, and this is where carly and i met sophie. she was fourteen, looked eighteen, and resembled keira knightley in a staggering manner. she, a very well educated individual, told us what we needed to experience with a great emphasis on shopping, and what she loved about london. she made me question if i was that approachable when i was her age, and if i, now, sound that intelligent and formal when i speak. when the redding stop came, she and her parents left, but not without a friendly goodbye. soon thereafter, we arrived at the oxford train station, met dr, collins' colleague, and walked to our accommodations at venneit close. they are flats with fully stocked kitchens, a washer and dryer combo, and, most importantly, absolutely no hot water. apparently it is just the room duckie and i are in, but it was reported to the head of oxford university's housing, so it is supposed to be back on here shortly. we have two foreign roommates, a young man from asia that does not talk and stays in his room, and a really friendly young woman from the netherlands named ester. after getting settled in our rooms, we went as a group to this amazing restaurant near the heart of oxford called giraffe. the food was amazing, all natural, homegrown, and tasted incredible. i had a salmon filet on wasabi rice and steamed bok choy paired, very nicely of course, with the most beautiful mango and lime daiquiri i have ever seen. we then split as a group where a few of us stayed out later and got the feel of the town, and it was here i discovered it. the crunchie bar. the most amazing thing i have ever tasted. it is a candy that tastes like a heath bar without the sticky feeling that leaves in your mouth. it is a chocolate bar with a wafer center, in fact it may be the same wafer used in a twix, but this wafer comprises the entire bar and is the same thickness as a three muskateers in depth. the middle of the wafer has been injected with some sort of honey mixture thus giving it the sweet factor, quite simply put, it's amazing. oxford does have other amazing aspects however.

one, most everyone here walks or ride bikes. i love this. if i could, i would live like this forever. i love actually being productive and leaving little environmental impact simultaneously. thankfully, dr. collins has gotten us all gym memberships which will be nice the next few weeks.

two, there is actually green space. everywhere. everyone appreciates the landscape.

three, the people are extremely helpful and accommodating. you do get the occasional person who is rude to you because they expect you to be the same, but most are very nice.

lastly, the vehicles are so practical! most are hatchback, two doors, and only seat four people. they all look alike, but they are not ridiculously big like vehicles in the united states. i have seen one suv while being here, a two door burgundy land rover that was probably one foot longer than our old ford festiva growing up. however, i have become somewhat homesick because of them though. especially when i see the hatchback honda civics. why is this? it makes me miss josh and his stupid little black car. and most of the cars are loud just like his. and to think i never thought a hatchback civic was still manufactured.

today has been incredible though. i woke up, got ready for the day, and happened to meet dr. collins in the hall in between our flats on my way to finding breakfast. we ended up going to a cafe called "coffee republic" and got incredibly egg and cheese bagels, but tomorrow i may stop for a croissant. we had a short class period, and when it ended and the lunch break started, i didn't eat but came back to my room to nap. after feeling refreshed, i made the twenty-five minute walk back to the school building where we had two oxford professors come and lecture to us. the first, an elderly gentleman and a ppe major (philosophy/politics/economics) talked to us about the oxford school system and the make up of england's politics. apparently, students going to one of the thirty-six, i believe that's the correct number, campuses which make up oxford university are not required to attend lectures, instead they meet their tutors, what they call their teachers, for a one on one or two students-one tutor meeting once a week. it is a fascinating system, but i think i would miss the dynamics of a classroom. the second gentleman, also an oxford tutor, spoke to us on what makes up the spirit of oxford. i was intrigued by his lecture for he talked mostly on his specialty, music. he then introduced me to a composer named ralph vaughn williams and led me to a particular piece which has completely blown me away upon listening to. i will most likely dedicate an entire post to it, so i won't indulge in its beautiful acoustics or complementary soft, flowing movements quite yet. after the lectures we started our formal tour of the town. we visited jesus college, a welsh college founded with the help of queen elizabeth the first, exeter college with its remarkable chapel, and corpus christi, the inspiration for oglethorpe university. it was a completely oglethorpe experience including the petrel, which they believe is a pelican. each school only has three hundred to six hundred students, and each receive their own room on the campus. we then walked past christopher wren's first building, the bodleian library where we will be visiting tomorrow, and a remarkable school called all souls college. one is able to attend upon invitation only, and you must be a fellow, a graduate, from another school comprising oxford university. one is not able to apply, so it is considered the greatest honor an alumni can have. we then went to christ church, a beautiful anglican cathedral, however it will be tomorrow i'm most excited for. not only do we visit the bodleian library, the library with the most rare and extensive collection of books in addition to being a filming spot for harry potter, but i will also get to attend evensong in the cathedral chapel.

after we had finished our busy tour schedule, it was then time for dinner. and what did i crave? a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. the most impossibly thing to find in oxford. so instead of going out for food, i went grocery shopping. my entire purchase was only £12.83, and that is for a weeks worth of breakfast and lunch. and it was only upon checkout that i realized my obsession with berries. i bought strawberry special k, wheat bread, chunky peanut butter, raspberry jam, tortilla chips, milk, strawberries, and chocolate clusters for my sweet tooth. needless to say, i had the dinner my body wanted back at the flat. ester ate with duckie and i, however she had made an amazing looking and smelling pasta and sausage dish. we then proceeded to watch a show called "jimmy's food factory: second helpings" that was similar to dirty jobs, but instead of working at a variety of labor jobs, he works at food factories and then makes food, such as processed cheese, back at his flat. after an enjoyable half hour of watching this, thinking of josh every second, i was able to skype with him and then sleep until now. two am here, and it is now three so i believe i should turn in about now. but i will leave with an image of jesus college, the only one i was able to take before my camera died. more will come tomorrow, but enjoy this little glimpse of my current heaven.

days, weeks, months, all leading to a year.

time has passed since i have last written. feelings, seasons, relationships have changed. i have changed. i am now engaged to the person i would have never dreamt to be. i am still the same inside though. sometimes at the least. i have come to realize that not everything in life is planned nor is it set in stone. skin cancer, the one thing i thought i would never have to hear about again, has reared it's ugly head. thankfully, i have been spared, but one i love greatly has become its new target. the reemergence of forgotten pain and blocked memories has been staggering. morphine. one word. two memories. both equally powerful. one a yearn, a thirst needing a quench which would never come, and one a release, a literal flushing of small pills with a doctor standing over my shoulder. blinds. a recliner like the one which sits in my living room now, a recliner i despise. and then it gets fuzzy. i remember jeans, but were there slippers or white tennis shoes? was there the white t-shirt whose feeling and smell i can still sense? it has to have been, but five short years have caused me to forget. five years of school, boyfriends, failures, achievements, all causing me to force the only person who gets me through everyday further to the back of my mind. instead i remember simple numbers. no faces. counting. a maple tree, big green leaves. green the color of a crayola green-yellow crayon. his voice. my voice. but no more. but other things change also. it has gotten to the point where i almost feel no permanence in my life. is it cold feet already? not only for the upcoming marriage, but for my future in general. jonah and leah. are they real, will they happen, will they be mine? i fear not having them, never saying the names, but i fear saying them. i feel as if i will lose myself. and i know i will lose josh if they do not become part of our world in our future. my one security in life is failing me. my one lose cannon is what i cannot shake. i do not want the future that comes with it, but it is a future i dwell on, one i wonder if it would spare me some of the emotional roller coaster i ride daily and will continue to ride. images in my mind change. my photography does not for some odd reason. my music remains everywhere, but the passion holds true. my recent frequent attendance at symphonies has only strengthened my connection to the long forgotten past, and it is also what keeps me sane. i close my eyes and imagine i am once again five years old sitting in the front seat of the station wagon in the driveway while my dad is packing the car for the day. i hear the music the same way i did then. it filters into my consciousness as it did all of those times before. it is sectioned and colored, almost similar to the way dumbo sees the elephants when he is drunk. i see pastel colors representing what i am hearing. all because it is what he taught me to do. to listen and appreciate every level and tone the way it needed to be done. so i implore you, listen with your eyes closed to one that i have always loved. let the different movements dance before your eyes and across your mind. take what he shared with me, and share it with others.