oh the joy of weekends.

this weekend truly has been one of ups and downs. some inspirational ups, and some downs that weren't so pleasent but were a snap back to reality.



my main weekend event was an enormous one that has continued and will continue to impact me all week. my car died. this is not an exaggeration. i was backing out of ali's driveway and it decided to hate me and die. it's not the battery because my car turns on, the engine just won't turn over. allow me to set the tone of the event though. it's 8:57 pm and i'm pulling out of ali's driveway in ogelthorpe park. i'm halfway out of her driveway and my car shuts off, no warning, nothing to tell me it was going to do so. i turn the car on, attempt to get the engine to turn over and fail. miserably. three times. ali walks out of her house laughing and says, "i thought a bird died," and i said, "no ali, try a car". i attempt to back my car out of the driveway in neutral, but my steering wheel is locked and won't turn so i end up sticking out halfway in the street. my mother comes to call triple a and rescue me, but i then find out that it will the extremely reliable company at least an hour to send a tow truck. my mother and i end up getting into an argument about college and i tell her, "i would no longer like to sit her in the car with you". she then tells me i can walk home. my mother doesn't realize how determined and headstrong i am, so i begin my one and two-thirds of a mile trek home. do realize i'm wearing what i wore to work so i am wearing capris, heels, a nicer shirt, and a jacket. i get in front of st. william's catholic church before i realize that one of my favorite earrings has fallen out, and that i left my cell phone in the back of my mom's car. so i am phoneless, at 9:20 pm walking frederica road with no phone and one earring. thankfully i realize when i get to the demere-frederica intersection that i have chocolate in my pocket so i can eat for the first time since that morning. needless to say, i make it home at 10:10 pm and am now carless.

here's the most hilarious movie i have ever seen in my entire life. it is a japanese game show that, in my opinion, should be aired in america. it makes me love the brilliance of asains even more. thank you for sharing your incredibly smart stupidity.

"living is easy when it's night".

i have a feeling that today is going to be a day of many words. they'll flow together into a great white mass that you can sift through at your leisure. some of it may be fragmented, some may have incorrect punctuation, but all will be thoughts that i am experiencing. they are going to be raw. they will be pure. they will most likely be judged by you.

now to begin.

human emotion is a complex thing. i truly don't believe it's a thing. i believe it's a being. one that thrives off our very existence, but our existence needs it to thrive. it never lays idle or stagnant. it's ever moving. it moves through us like a rush of energy, only to surge with different intensities which causes whichever emotion we have. the smallest flow of this energy makes us happy, but the strongest flow is the one of sheer, disheartening sadness. it is incomparable to anything else in the world. emotion drives us, inspires us, and brings us back into reality. emotions are a scary element however. we feel them when we sleep in the forms of dreams. some in black and white. some in color. some in both. and in these dreams emotions try to release only to be wrangled back into the complexity and beauty of the human mind. dreams are not the only thing that make me cautious with emotions. the main reason that they have the scary presence is a rather mind blowing one. emotions present themselves the second you meet someone. they are there and differ from situation to situation. yet for something that powerful, they allow themselves to be repressed. they let us pretend we're something and someone we're not. they take away part of our identity and character, but they are the defining factors of who we are. therefore, does anyone really know who they are? or is it who we are in that moment, and we only are going on what we feel?

music is probably the most complex thing next to emotion. it has this quality of life, this pulsating sensation that causes so much happiness, so much love, so much sorrow, and so much angst. every artist has something different to offer; a different type of work to create; a different type of emotion to evoke. it's amazing to think that so many of these artists are criticized and overlooked by their colleagues. so many different artists have had a great impact on my life in the past week alone. moby for example. his album is the first in my recently added section on itunes. i finally downloaded all of his play album. it is by far one of the most intriguing things i have ever listened to. the first two songs blend together in such a way that the word perfection doesn't serve it justice. "honey"'s vocals are of an older african-american woman singing about something she loves. it could be anything but i've taken it as simile for the man she loves. moby then pairs this with a variety of electronica melodies in the background which diversify and enhance the work farther. the song following it is called "find my baby" and links the two by having the vocals of an older african-american male. the vocals alone are extremely uplifting, but yet again moby's genius shows through. the background melodies are a lot more mellow but still give off that aestheticism. although the vocals appear throughout the album in other tracks, the most powerful of these is the fourth track titled "why does my heart feel so bad". following one of moby's most popular tracks "porcelain", the song carries the same gloriously depressing vibe, yet it is an extremely emotion driven song. you finally have the much anticipated union of the man and woman, but it a disheartening one unlike the happy one we yearned for. it truly parallels the feeling of unrequited love or the loneliness that many feel. the next album i want to touch on is loreena mckennitt's the mask and mirror. it is unlike anything i have ever heard before. her vocals are captivating enough alone, but the fact that the album is in english but you can still hear her irish accent is truly beautiful. the melodies are soothing and carry a traditional feeling. her music makes you want to meditate and find your inner peace, the calm and serenity of spirituality. not in a religious sense, but in a self-enlightment one. it reminds me of buddhism. but i will leave that until later. it is impossible to pick just one of the eight tracks to encourage you to listen to because they all bring something different. "the mystic's dream" is truly the most centering piece on the album. ironically, i first heard it at awakenings yoga before i knew of her as an artist or the song itself. at the time, i thought it was just one of those meditative albums you buy and they come with a yoga mat or something along those lines. "ce he mise le ulaingt?/the two trees" is the song from the album that posseses the most traditional sounds of traditional celtic music. "prospero's speech" is the song on the album with the most entrancing aesthetic quality. it is almost entirely acoustic with just different note tones in the background. all of the tracks are ones that should be admired, listened to, and absorbed however. the lyrics are all carry extreme buy beautiful imagery and are truly from mckennitt's soul. similar to mckennitt's album but entirely different is emmy rossum's debut album inside out. it is the first time i heard her powerfully entrancing voice since she starred as christine in the movie phantom of the opera in 2004. the aura given off by her voice is one so captivating that it's all you can do not to laugh and cry in the same instance. the first song on the album, "slow me down", is the song that i can parallel my life to in innumerable ways currently. the background for track contains no instruments but is all vocal and vocal manipulation. it a song that speaks to the stress and pressure of the real world and how everyone gets so caught up they need someone else to help free them. "stay" is extremely mellowing and possesses an air of anticipation of which the song is speaking. "anymore" is a song of release and personal strength that reaches down into hearts of those who yearn for the ability to be themselves and stand for what they believe at any cost. finally, "been too long" speaks to the quintessential romance that ended so unexpectedly that a pining for that person lingers. it speaks then to the truth of the matter in that the romance could never happen again due to the fact that so much has changed since the romance ended. it is a perspective i have to remind myself to adopt although it rips your heart from the rest of your body and brings a flood of every care, every fear, every laugh, every frustration, and every tear they made you feel. it is truly music like this that i thrive off and cause me to blossom into the person i will one day become.

buddhism is the most fascinating religion. it is truly more of a way of life than a religion in my eyes. i love the simplicity of the stupas where they try to find their spiritual centers by meditating while participating in circumambulation. i went to a stupa called "the peace pagoda" when i was much younger in western massachusetts, and i remember being consumed with it and the four different gold statues of buddha in the four niches. it has now become my goal to return there soon and take it in at this point and time in my life and see how my view changes, how much stronger the intensity has become. also, i love how in contrast of the stupa itself, the toranas are covered in reliefs depicting the life of buddha, other stupas, animals, and yakshis. i admire the culture for using something as intense as the yakshi for their symbol for fertility and the earth goddess. the fact she is a tree spirit and is literally hanging as the one on the east torana shows the respect and adoration of the yakshi by the people. the joining of the yakshis and yakshas as mithuna couples is also extremely powerful in the way that it represents the energy in the perfect union of male and female. although there are many other things that i find entrancing about the faith, i am in love with the mudras. the fact that each one is a different, unspoken word that is translated by a simple movement of the hand is remarkable. although i see the signs of christ blessing us, comforting us, and welcoming us in my faith, the portrayal of these same things in the buddhist religion seems so much more elegant. also, i find myself drawn towards the chakra. the wheel representing order, balance, unity, and peace in oneself. it is so simple, yet so complex. it a pure symbol, and one overlooked by many today. i love that buddha has them on his hands and feet in most sculptures. they're a constant reminder of self-reflection and whatever else may help us obtain nirvana. nirvana itself serves as such a motivation and leads to the spread of wisdom. it is through yoga with the help of music that i hope to obtain this nirvana and peace in myself. i don't want to be an individual driven on stress. i want to be at peace with myself and to truly love myself for all i have to offer. in doing this i hope that someone else who will be enthralled by me and what i have to give, and that i will find that person who loves me then more than i ever thought possible. for now i must remember though that there is never any going back, i can only push forward.

i know i said i would post another harry potter film, but i lied. there will be another one but not now. today has been such a challenge and writing has been such a relief that i need something containing pure joy and humor. one that makes you laugh because you are so happy. one of innocence.

new month, new ideas.

let me start off by saying that tye-dye thursday is an amazing idea, and well "no shave november", that whole idea really isn't. i don't know what is compelling half of the school to participate. i'm just waiting to see how long they last considering the fact some people have already cheated. cycling on thursdays is amazing because cori teaches it, and she's the only instructor under thirty. the music is so much easier to cycle to. like we warmed up with "porcelain" by moby, then went to "lose control" by missy elliott, then "mr. brightside" by the killers, and then a song that i didn't know, and then "hallelujah" by jeff buckley was what we cooled down to. granted all of the songs were nine minutes long each so i didn't really know the verson, it was a good change to the '50s and '60s music they play most other days.

now to my main concern. i don't understand what has compelled the students of glynn academy to believe that taking naked pictures of yourself has become the new trend. when four people send nude pictures of themselves to majority of the student body, it is not cool. it's trashy. no one thinks you're hot stuff, however most people do think you're a whore. the fact that one girl has been heard saying, "hell yeah, that's me. everyone is just jealous because they wish they looked this way" is just ridiculous. when the most respected literature teacher in perhaps the entire county talks about it in class and says how disappointing and disgusting it is, you know it has become an epidemic rather than a trivial problem. the final straw for me was when i heard that one of the girls was called to the office and asked if the picture was her, and she said, "oh they're talking about brielle*" talking about an entirely different picture that was sent out because she didn't want them calling her parents. the situation in general is repulsive. the fact that two more glynn academy students have died within the past month has not been forgotten but has been pushed back in the minds of many individuals because "naked pictures are so much more dramatic". sorry but it's all ridiculous. to the girls and boy that the pictures are of, people don't respect you anymore, and i'm sorry that you can't see that. maybe you should watch the documentary called the lost children of rockdale county and see how ridiculous you truly look being proud of what you've done.
*names have not been changed due to the fact they are proud of their action

lastly, i am ending this post with possibly the funniest thing i have ever seen dealing with harry potter. there is a series about the characters as puppets which i will try to put on here after every post until all of them are up. i want to say that there are around six of them. all are totally inventive and different, and i applaud the creators of this imaginative video.

the addiction of customization.

everyone who knows me knows that shoes are a big part of my life. although i own close to thirty actual pairs, which are not including other tennis shoes and sandals, i buy more that are so unique, so eclectic that i can't resist them and cannot fathom letting them sit there any longer. thanks yet again to modern technology i can now customize sneakers. thank god i am going to college up north and will need a good pair of closed toe shoes. here is the newest addition which i will have to restrain myself from wearing until college.




oh the sheer beauty of them.

color block of hell.

if you ever wondered what you might be able to use that is incredibly intriguing yet makes you want to rip out your own hair, i'll tell you the perfect thing. i'll even make it easier for you, i'll give you an image.

it's a rubik's cube my friends.

these small, colorful blocks bring out to extremely different but exhilarating emotions simultaneously. the first one is a level of intensity in the emotions of determination and joy. you have just mixed up the colors of the block which has taken forever so you don't have two colors repeating in a row, and you are finally ready to undergo the looming task ahead. you must now complete the cube. of course you start off and you get two or three blocks of the same color to line up around the correct central cube only to find that stray block of color on the other side that was supposed to fit right on the corner. in the process of trying to reposition that singular block into the pattern you have already spent five minutes creating, you have shifted all of the blocks everywhere and have to start over again. this process repeats itself until the cube itself is solved. then the emotions of determination and joy are simultaneously juxtaposed with another extreme emotion. one that is very different. this emotion is spite. you begin to hate the cube. you want to peel of the stickers and put them in the correct location to fool everyone into thinking that you have actually completed the endeavor, and, therefore, you are brilliant. of course these different emotions are occuring simultaneously now so the only reaction is one similar to the following one.

that was me approximatley forty-five minutes into my first and sadly only attempt in solving the cube this far. i kept coming so close to attaining my goal, only so watch it disperss in front of my eyes literally seconds later. solving it actually brings such a rush that i bought my own this afternoon. i believe that given more time sunday night, i would have solved it. however i don't believe the people that say it can all be solved by doing the proper algorithms. it is a matter of time and luck. so i ask, how much time do you have, and how lucky do you think you are? the answer to these questions are up to you.

seperation anxiety?

before four o'clock this afternoon i couldn't wait to get out of here and leave for college. the thrill of only having to live with someone for one more year at school and then the freedom of getting my own apartment consumed me. i still have that thrill and the drive to attain that thrill but something has changed.

today nicole asked me to drive her and katie to bryce's georgia/florida party. of course i was going to take her because i couldn't wait to get out of the house, but nicole and i have been getting along really well for once the past couple of days so i didn't think about not taking her. normally nicole and i fight all of the time over the most trivial things, but this past week or so has been different. we are getting along, helping each other out, sharing things, really doing whatever the other may need. so when i was going to pick up katie, she was riding shotgun and was just talking to me. it was like we have finally matured enough to understand each other and our differences but to seek similarities in our personalities. the entire way we laughed and talked like we were best friends and have been forever. the same thing happened when i left for china this past may. nicole and i got to be really close before i left, i was gone for two weeks, and i missed her for the first time ever although i travel all the time. she's the youngest one out of the four of us, and i feel this intense level of protection towards her. hopefully our relationship will stay as good as it has been and not reverse to it's one of constant bickering like before.

don't get me wrong. i'm am still extremely ready to move out and grow up, but i don't want to lose that best friend bond we have begun to form. before i leave i'll get to teach her how to drive, help her through superfluous issues boys cause, and aid her in finishing her sophomore year of high school. it troubles me though that this time a year from now i won't be here for her, and knowing nicole and i, we'll both be too busy to call. i'll have claudia and the kids and everyone up there, but it won't be the same. i won't have someone so close in age to me that we're going through similar situations at the same time. i know that we'll keep in touch but the fact that it won't be daily scares me. i know that she'll come visit me and vice versa but i'm going to miss seeing her blossom her into the young woman she'll become. luckily i'll have nadia to allow me to see the progression i'll be missing. i have realized that the reason i'd miss nicole would be because i have a great respect for her and the person that she has shown herself to be. she is in fact a true, crazy lewis, and one of my best friends who i'll cherish forever.

and i cannot close this window without troubling my conscience until i share this incredible video. it is the video for "a secret that's worth keeping" by the fire restart. although the band has split up and moved into new occupations and bands, they are incredible and will always have a place in my heart for love of music. they are lyrical geniuses and the visual presence of their low budget video is incredible. it truly is a video that flows better than most others, pulls every emotion you have, and leaves you with the feeling of emotional connection and release. the change in the scenery from the plain, sophisticated background of the acoustic to the cluttered yet intimate feel of the warehouse where the band plays is one that aids the video in it's inventive new way to connect with the viewer. needless to say, it is a video worth viewing.

oh today.

today has been amazing for the following reasons:

my new ipod:

my new macbook:

the best commercial i have ever seen:

oh technology. you're so persuasively aesthetic and addicting.

monkey buisness.

this morning in ap economics mitchell informed the group of us sitting at the back table of computers in the media center about the death of the governor of new dehli due to, of all things, monkeys.

here is the article from http://www.livenews.com.au/:


"The Deputy Mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

SS Bajwa fell from his first-floor terrace home on Saturday morning, and suffered serious head injuries when he was trying to fight off the monkeys.

Dehli is well known for its problem with plagues of monkeys, who invade temples and government complexes, steal food and frighten passers-by.

The city has tried to curb the plague of primates, by employing monkey catchers to round them up so they can be moved to forests.

Culling the monkeys is seen as unacceptable to devout Hindus, who revere the monkeys as a manifestation of the monkey god Hanuman.

Mr Bajwa, a member of the opposition Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), leaves behind his wife and son, according to the Press Trust of India news agency."


my first reaction was if people are getting killed, why not kill some of the monkeys lessening the population or do anything to improve the situation? of course the article answers this question for me in that the people believe it is hanuman.

let us not of course forget the great picture accompanying the article:


oh humanity.


what is god, a god, any god(s), whatever higher being you may believe in be telling us? maybe it's that we need to recognize that we are not alone and that we are affecting the lives of other things with our actions? but that's just a guess.

"picadilly circus" by our last mistake.

for some reason this song hits a new level, brings me a new type of high lyrically and instrumentally than most any other song i have ever heard. i first listened to the vocals of emily brynne when she sang the acoustic melody to the fire restart's music. not only does her voice bring a new level of tranquility, but the words seem to reflect what seems to be going through my mind currently. and the guitar in the background is reminiscent of another song which took my heart by storm not too long ago. the lyrics are sheer genius and give the listener this rejuvenating feeling in which describing it would only manage to strip it of what it is. for some reason it makes me feel free, unbridled, and calmer than before. it brings a flood of emotions from sorrow to sheer joy, and, truthfully, the song scares me. the scare it brings is not a bad one. unlike their song "pictures in the clouds" which is amazing in it's own context, "picadilly circus" hits deeper emotional notes in my soul. and the image it brings to mind is not a singular one. they are amazing ones something like these.

one of organized chaos of progressive life:




one of the innocence of youth:





one of the human need for companionship:



one of the mind's unending pursuit of truth through confusion and its quest for clarity:






one of the renewal of life when that ultimate happiness is regained:

life in a nutshell?

wow. it's amazing to think that so much has changed since that last entry in may. i've learned so much as a sister, a daughter, a student, and an individual. i've learned what is trivial and what to live with or without. most importantly, i've learned more about myself and in doing so have matured.

i cannot fathom being that young, naive girl again. it wasn't even the naivety of myself that stuns me. it's who i thought i was. who i thought i wanted to be. i've realized now who i am. who i've wanted to become. before i was thinking only of what others expected of me, and, therefore, what i expected of myself. i've realized that although i'll be heartbroken if i don't get into amherst, it's not going to be the end of the world. i can and will survive. hopefully the pressure of succeeding will diminish, although i recognize deep down it will not. i've seen my fears and now have come to terms with what i want. what is the kara who will be happy? who is the kara i hope to become? one who is not alone. i want to blossom into an incredibly remarkable, intellectual human being who people look at and think wow, this person really has a purpose. i don't want to be alone. that thought scares me the most. all i want is to grow old with someone. have a family. i don't want money, it doesn't bring happiness. i don't care the lies people feed me. i know i only need someone who loves me for who i am and i will be happy. the shear thought of aging scares me. i want to be in my youth forever. not youth as in my age now, but youth as in thirty. in the prime of my life. i want to be clear thinking, i want to be able to do as i please. the thought of losing all of that scares me.

however, life now is becoming increasingly thrilling. this summer taught me a lot. i learned who real friends were, i learned the hardships of betrayal, i learned how it feels to be truly reckless and carefree, and, most importantly, i learned more about me than i ever dreamed existed. did you know that movies such as wicker park make me feel these sparks of undying energy that run through my very being and shake everything i know as true? did you know that music is what drives my being? most likely that one you did know. but to add on to that, did you know that my every mood is affected by my music? god i wish i was more musical. or not even that. that i could be unafraid to show people the talent god has given me. like last night for instance, i wanted to sing the words at the top of my lungs. i was so afraid to though that they came out in a form barely more audible than a whisper. did you know that i despise hanging out with most people that are still in high school? i love my friends, but there is a limit to my intellectual development they cannot push past. well, majority of them. there are exceptions such as valarie and catherine which make me a deeper, enlightened person. but besides those friendships, those people which have become my sisters, every other friendship probably will not stick with me throughout college and after. however, that is very untrue with my boys. the loves of my life. they are my brothers and i would be lost without them. i know that it alarms my mother that they are twenty, but she understands the bond with them isn't a "horny group of adolescents" one. she knows they are truthfully people that without them i would most likely fall for anything. jay, travis, derek, robert, and watson have become a family which is one i am blessed to have found. i know that they will protect me hands down in whatever may happen and be there for me throughout anything. they have and deserve my utmost respect and i don't know how i will survive without them next year. my boys are my heroes.

and now i ask you, is this truly everything? is this the life of kara michele lewis, the seventeen year old who is striving to find even more of herself than she knows exists? i think that it's not. i am bracing myself for whatever i will reveal next. hopefully i will see the beauty. so how can one use the phrase "in a nutshell"? everything is so much more complex than we ever fathomed.