do you happen to realize just how amazing your music truly is? not too long ago, it surprised me when you said that you had listened to it for the first time in a while, but i only wondered if you knew how many times it was still being played. not only do the songs please through their shear melody and harmony, the lyrics are seductive to the soul. the words are commonplace and tossed around in a frenzy nowadays, yet the context they are used in isn't cliche. the songs have a hidden depth and meaning, that, through it all, burns like a fire against the back of my mind. although i am an adorer of music for everything it holds, lyrics make the difference between a song i love and know all of the words to, and a song which constantly plays itself over again in my head. although i can never be sure, i know you for the passionate person you are when it comes to what you love, music, and i know that i'm not inserting emphasis on the importance you intended the words to have. though they are mere thoughts and emotions, they have become conveyed as strong forces which overpower the listener and cause reflection. however, you didn't allow your talent to become caged here. the instrumental flows flawlessly. the background is haunting. haunting however is not bad. it is an eerie good, the kind that if you hear it once, you never forget it, and you never want to. it has gotten to the point that if the same chords are struck in another song by an entirely different artist, your song plays in my mind.
do you happen to realize that listening to your music causes a tranquility? no matter the situation, if i turn my music on loud so that i can forget reality for one moment, your songs are the ones i blare and sing at the top of my lungs. your songs serve as an outlet for emotion for the listener as well as yourself. strangely enough, your songs also serve as an inducer of flashbacks. the returning memories aren't necessarily the happiest of times, but they are the most cherished, and therefore cancel out the negativity felt earlier.
thank you. you have provided me with a channel through which i have the ability to further express who i am and learn more about the internal kara striving to be set completely free. frou frou spoke to what i believe best defines music as the powerful in their lyrics "music is worthless unless it can make a complete stranger break down and cry", and although i am no stranger, know you have succeeded.
the only way to complete this post is to play to another passion of the amazing artist i was referring to earlier. today was a rough day, and through having your music on repeat my ipod, i was able to drive aimlessly for hours to clear my mind, lay on the beach from eight-thirty to ten and watch the stars from the dunes, and, most importantly, take beautiful, inspired photographs. so here my best from the day, signed but unphotoshopped. enjoy fine sir, and know that i stand true to what i said long ago, john mayer would be proud.
my spring break has definitely proven to be an unforgettable one. the only way to do it any justice is to start with day one and push right through. so here the documentary adventure begins.
the first few days can be summed up relatively easily. i ate dinner with reed at the pearl, had morning bike rides with kristen, did the random things there are to do at night on the island, sat at outback at least five times by wednesday, and spent almost nothing. it was wednesday, the day of my eighteenth birthday that things truly started to pick up. at midnight, i was at the pier in the middle of a circle formed by meechie, jeff, ricky, lance, and josh. the conducted the yearly ritual of "birthday spankings" and then for some reason the entire group proceeded to waffle house. the next morning valarie and kristen "kidnapped me" as they say, dressed me up, and took me to dressner's for breakfast. it was after this my day truly began. kristen and i went on our morning bike ride to christ church, i came home, showered, and made my way to watson's. two hours after the time we had decided to leave, we finally made our way to jacksonville. first stop? inksmith & rogers. purchases? one labret for mike and a tattoo for myself. surprisingly, the pain was minimal and the tattoo looks amazing. cheryl however hates it. that evening when i got home, she was already mad because it was five in the morning and when i went back out after getting home i told her it would only be for about an hour, but on top of this, she saw the tattoo. she could only dwell on the size and tell me how i ruined my life. however, i told her it's me, and if i like it, it's all that matters. the tattoo and piercing extravaganza was not the end of the jacksonville evening. mike and i had jay stop at walgreen's so that he could get mouth wash and i could get lotion, he proceeded to call me shrek because i couldn't turn my neck so i had to turn my entire body to look at who was talking, and we managed to get lost while looking for freebird. when we finally made it to freebird, the concert was amazing. the opening bands i had never heard of before, but they both put on an extremely good show and played to the crowd. however, the sick puppies were amazing. i never realized they were an australian band, the band was only made up of three members, and the bassist was a girl. they were insane and were interacting with the crowd the entire time. the songs they played were their most upbeat ones, but as i discovered, they are extremely misleading. the lyrics run extremely deep and are controversial. "cancer" makes you question if you really are what you think you are or are you losing yourself to be successful in society's eyes. unfortunately, the only video that have is for "all the same" which is an amazing song. the lyrics flow perfectly with the harmony and melody, and the words are powerful and mirror "cancer" in that they encourage you to be who you are and to accept others for who they are. the message the song and video paired sends is beautiful in a sense of security in the underlying youth, pure joy, and unadulterated love society holds. the only way to truly experience this feeling and understand the emotions i am poorly attempting to convey is to simply click play and take out three minutes and watch the video.
the birthday celebration has continued through the thursday excursion to orlando, where i am now, and where i will be until this evening. this small road trip has been a great segue to the end of an amazing week. i've gotten to run through an extremely landscaped million dollar house neighborhood every morning, sleep well into the afternoon if i choose to do so, eat a balanced mix of both home cooked meals and restaurants which brunswick doesn't have, and attend an amazing concert. the concert was definitely a mini-trip inside the over-all one. josh, hannah, lance, and i met watson, mark, jay, patty, and brandon in the arena parking lot where we proceeded to tail gate for an hour and a half. this was my first concert with mark and my first time really having a conversation with him, so at first he was really quiet but by the end of the night, he had really opened up. when we first made it inside the venue, they were out of wristbands for the floor, so we were forced to watch atreyu from the highest level in the stadium, but during the break jay and mike bought two wristbands from people who didn't want them and came back to show me and run back downstairs to catch avenged sevenfold. however, i chased them, took their wristbands after they got through the gate, and snuck down to the floor myself. with the two wristbands, we managed to trade them off and get mark and lance on the floor as well. we were in the very back of the floor at first, so for avenged's first song i sat on mike's shoulders and took pictures for him. by the second song we decided we wanted to get to the front and at the fourth song's beginning we were about four to five standing rows from the stage. needless to say, i moshed, formed a "wall" with mark, danced and jumped like my life depended on it, and crowd surfed out on the guitar solo before the encore. i have to say that this far i have been extremely thrilled with the outcome of my spring break and birthday. tomorrow the fun continues with a three doors down and 12 stones concert in st. augustine, so monday will be the ultimate relaxation day.
i've finally begun putting some of my photography online, however it will take awhile before everything i really like is up. the link is http://www.flickr.com/karalewis . take a look and give me feedback, anything and everything is appreciated.
and the stress level has elevated yet again. i heard from boston university. i'm in. oh the joys of being indecisive.
this post comes extremely late compared to others, and will be short due to the fact i'm sitting at lance's dad's house waiting for him to get ready so hannah, josh, lance, and i can go to chili's. however, this will be a college and birthday update so hopefully i can cram all of the random thoughts into a short, sweet, and semi-logical order.
first college. i had been steady in my footing in terms of going to oglethorpe in the fall. however, now i have heard back from northeastern in boston and hampshire, umass amherst, and mount holyoke in western mass. all have given me nice, round figure scholarships so i no longer have a set course and direction in mind. and to think i believed second semester would be less stressful.
the birthday talk is now interrupted because we are ready to leave finally. know that it was amazing and elaboration is yet to come.
the past few weeks have been extremely intriguing. life has had a lot to offer and much has changed. i've tackled events such as my mother's sixtith birthday, valentine's day, and this past weekend which was made up of loryn and my mother's three friends from high school coming into town. however, there were positive aspects of those chaotic events. i bought my mother tickets to see her new favorite band, celtic woman, play tomorrow evening in jacksonville. let me elaborate on the obsession my mother has for this ridiculous group of irish women. for christmas this year, like every year, nicole, my mother, and i get presents from santa claus although nicole and i recognize the fact that it is just my mother and not some mythical entity which fits down chimneys in houses that don't exist and can somehow make it all around the world in that short timeline. however i digress. my mother fills her stocking every year, wraps herself gifts, and then pretends to be extremely surprised to see what "santa has brought her". normally she buys herself the yearly gifts of razors, lotion, oranges (note nicole and i get all three of these things also), and random gifts such as last year's sewing machine. this year's random "mommy treat" was the celtic woman christmas cd. the next three weeks of nicole and i's home experience were filled with christmas carols in both gaelic and english. due note that christmas was three weeks before hand which means my mother extended the holiday season well into january. now she has purchased their "regular albums" and the celtic torture continues. so flashback to christmas morning. cheryl unwraps her new favorite possesion
^^^yet another unfinished stream of consciousness. however, cheryl's birthday concert went well, minus a few setbacks.
these past few weeks have been extremely influential on me. i have learned and am continuing to learn a lot about myself. first college stuff, and then "friend" stuff. glynn county has a way of putting a lot of stressful situations on your plate and stepping back to watch you deal. so college is a good place to begin this discussion.
since i was moved to georgia in second grade, i have been dead set on going back home to massachusetts. i even attempted to enroll in boarding school my sophomore year of high school, but my mother caught me when the school called to talk to her about the financial aide package they were prepared to offer. since then, i have been determined to go to college up there, even if it meant going to umass amherst, but as of recently i've had a drastic change of heart. i went to oglethorpe university, where i have already been accepted, for a scholarship weekend, and i fell in love. the first night i was set against going and convinced myself i'd hate it. however, i cracked to the thrill of atlanta and the magnificance of the school. i took a class with one of the art history professors, really got to talk to students about what went on night life wise, and the opportunities the school has to offer are absolutely astounding. what other college allows me the privilege of getting on a plane and flying to new york for a day, for free? not any of the other ones i applied to. the school's president is extremely nice and personable as were all of the students and staff members i met. so what does this mean for me? do i betray myself and everything i have stood for and go to this amazing school which was dropped into my lap at random, or do i disregard this broadening experience because it's what i've been telling myself? do i really want to be in atlanta? yes and no. i guess only time will tell me what to do, and until then all i can do is live for the moment here.
that moment is coming up soon. this weekend soon. another dreaded dance, however this time without a dreaded date. andrew is amazingly down to earth and hilarious so there's no doubt in my mind that i will have an extraordinary time. if he and i can drive around talking for hours or just sitting on the beach until one in the morning, a dance with music and food and a planned schedule should be no big deal, we can amuse ourselves. not only do i have pirate formal this weekend, but this month also holds a big trip. loryn is finally coming down to visit me. although hollie can't, the three of us have been trying to get together down here since we were eight, and we've finally succeeded. loryn's only heard stories about the island, so it'll be cool to have stories with her down here and for everyone here to meet my best friend from granby, practically my sister. she's the girl who didn't talk to anyone for a week after i moved and i ruined her mom's tulips when i was trying to find her pinata in kindergarden. loryn was there when i got sent to the prinicpal for the first time, and i was there for her when they made fun of her barney shirt. i'm thrilled that we'll actually get to hang out at my house for the first time in years, and that my mom will get to see how much she's grown up. i'm just happy to still be best friends over these twelve years. then the month of february ends and march madness begins. i turn eighteen, go to two concerts, finally get my tattoo. but i'll leave that for march. february has only just begun.
however, not everything has been pleseant this month. it's only the fourth day and everything has already managed to be turned upside down. this weekend i got molten glass bottle stuck to my chest thanks to watson and rob, got to sit in a ditch on i-95 so i didn't get hit after rob's tire went flat although that was fun, and found out some of my "friend's" true colors. low and shady blows have already been thrown, and it is disheartening to see who the thrower of those punches were. my definition of best friend was obviously a lot more old fashioned then hers. but luckily i have people like reed and rob and catherine who catch me and keep me holding on. it has been these past two days where i have began to meditate again. i have started driving across the causeway and turning my music up loud and rolling the windows down singing as loud as i want. today was the first day i've visited my dad since christmas. well the first time during the day. i hate the cemetary at night, so those visits are always short, but today i had nothing to do for a period of time, so i went and talked to him. i told him what was wrong and cried a lot, but it helped in the end. i know he was listening and could see him sitting there watching me talk and smiling at me and my stupid, pointless comments. i know that it's a ridiculous wish, but i wish that i could sit on his lap and just cry. i want him to hold me and tell me i'm his little girl who is becoming someone he is proud of and is becoming the beautiful young woman he'd always hoped i would. i want him to see me turn eighteen and become an adult. i want to argue with him only to give him a hug and tell him how much i really love him. i want one day just to tell him i miss him and to listen to the hollies and tracey chapman. i wish i had only told him all of this three years ago. i wish i could tell him how he's an amazing individual and that i was lucky to call him my father. but i told him these things today, and i know he listened.
i don't know how to end this. but maybe i'll just end with a flashback, to the way i wish things were. i miss you staypuff.
it's now 2008. because this is eight days late, there are eight days of thoughts and feelings which i have not expressed. i can attempt to catch up, but it will not be as detailed and eloquent as one might have hoped. all there is left to do is begin.
recently, i have noticed a change, a crisis occurring to me. unfortunately it is one that is extremely materialistic and superfluous and sounds ridiculous. however, it happens to be bothering me, and i need to vent to something that won't label me as self-centered. i have always been known as the blonde lewis child. all three other children have the red hair i've always joked about wanting. i guess you could say somewhere someone or something listened to me and my wish is taking place. i've ignored what everyone has been telling me the past few months about the tints of red my hair possesses getting greater, but i can no longer tell myself my hair is just darkening like it does every winter. i am becoming a redhead, and with this picture i end my "kara" rant.
moving on. these past few days have been interesting. of course new year's eve proved to be every bit as fun filled as i had hoped. it ranged from babysitting sixteen kids from six to about nine in the evening to going to reed's for an eventful, wished to be remembered evening. i have spent days and nights rediscovering my youth. i was given sea monkeys for christmas, and they are thriving beautifully. not only this
^^^
yes, it's another unfinished post stopped midsentence. but they're thoughts and should be shared. sea monkey update? they're thriving, but they are strangely disturbing. 1/28/08
allow me to start by saying merry christmas. i hope it was christ-tastic. in the politically correct world of today, someone has to be the one who is willing to break through the barriers set for social conformity, and i am happy to be that person. this allows me to appropriately address the situation which has spurred today's rant. allow me to start by setting the background and atmosphere which contained the event that brightened my day after christmas. i woke up extremely early yesterday due to the fact i spent most of christmas day asleep. i went downstairs, poured a glass of left over eggnog, and decided that i would spend my morning watching the useless television programs that were on at 8:30 in the morning. i turn on the t.v. and, as everyone who has comcast knows, the unofficial southern religious station was the first thing i witnessed. the first audible noise the show decided to bless me with was, and i know how ludicrous it sounds, "adopt a jew". it turns out the international foundation of christians and jews has decided to purchase an infomercial promoting their life giving cause, rescuing jews from areas in which they are being "ruthlessly" discriminated. the area used as an example was russia. and of course, what is an example without actual interviews from those affected. oh religion. what kind of world are we living in when people can take children in africa from their actual, living families because they are celebrities and can sway the morality of individuals with their surplus of money? one where you can adopt a "jew" and ensure their safe passage to israel. but then there is also the freedom to speak your thoughts and feelings. this was demonstrated by a utility van on my drive back to the island from atlanta two weekends ago. the van had a bumper sticker reading, "it's not a choice, it's a child". you are allowed to express your emotions through various mediums, but i have found cars and bodies as the most effective means of conveying one's point of view. everyone can see that you are a pro life supporter, or an uneducated individual when you walk through walmart with your three children wearing a shirt saying, "great pussy". don't believe either of these examples? i invite you to visit good ole' georgia. specifically the glynn county walmart.
so i leave you to think about what kind of statements you are making. will you be a humanitarian or, as some may view, a supporter of religious superiority? if you wish to take the humanitarian pathway visit http://www.wingsofeagles.tv/ and adopt the jew who does have food, water, clothing, and shelter. however, in doing this, you are taking that money from a family or child who needs the basic necessities of life, so are you the humanitarian or the persecutor of an innocent? by speaking out against pro choice are you being an advocate for rights of the innocent or a inhibitor of women's rights? life presents us with these moral choices daily, and it is up to us to respond and be the best person we can be. however this should be the person we are, not the person society is hoping to shape us into.
this post would not be complete without a final stab at religious views. to all who view harry potter as the spawn of satan, here is more ammunition to fuel your cause. all thanks to the website promoting individuality. here's a tribute to the genius of youtube.
december has been here for a good three weeks. three weeks of not writing. three weeks of pondering.
where to begin? let me start with the christmas spirit. it's creeping upon me ever so slightly. granted i'm not possessing the abounding joy i did when i was younger, it's coming upon me ever so slowly. at first it was painful since christmas apparently started november first around here. honestly, why do people insist on moving christmas up every year? two weeks ago i cringed at the thought of christmas being around the corner, but tonight i had an entirely different outlook. perhaps it's because our house is finally decorated. or maybe even seeing how excited john henry and caroline were excited tonight when telling me about what santa will bring them. i do believe that watching the grinch in both the newer jim carey version and the animated version did help a little. and the fact that they were shown on "all perfect" sea island and the disc skipped and caused john henry to lean over and whisper, "next time, we're going to the real theatre" made the experience that much more enjoyable. however, i hate the fact we don't have snow. i talk to loryn, hollie, eric, and kyle and they tell me how much they hate the snow and how they are having to trudge through a foot and a half of it daily while i'm laying out on the beach is an insane thought to me. i want it to feel like christmas. i don't want it to be a seventy-five degree day, i want it to be the frigidly cold twenty-one degree white christmas.
this allows me to semi-segue into my next topic. atlanta. it was freezing when i was there last weekend with ali, ian, and charles for the mistletoe jam, but i loved it. atlanta is amazing, and i got accepted into oglethorpe university which is there. it was the only in-state school i applied to, and i would love to go there and experience the bigger city feeling. however, it's not massachusetts. i can still have the big city feel in boston, a true big city, but i won't hear from colleges up there until later this coming year. the only thing i didn't like about atlanta was the immense fourteen lane highway. honestly, i know there is a big traffic flow, but the big dig didn't put that many lanes through boston. nothing like taking land from the city for a cause which causes even more pollution. however, it's not that i hate the roads. truthfully, the intimidate me. seven lanes of traffic going the same direction i am? seven! but i do love the atmosphere up there and think that i could adjust accordingly. i'll figure it all out in the end. somehow i always do.
somehow i have been giving advice lately. i've been telling other girls in pirates to just ask the person they want to go to pirate formal with and do so with confidence and to hold their head high because it's just a question. somehow, i can't manage to follow my own advice. the person i'm asking is strictly a friend, yet i keep talking myself out of asking him whenever we hang out. but that's not where the irony ends. eric told me he's found someone he likes and is strongly considering dating. of course i'm extremely happy for him and want him to if she's good to him, but he told me that he was unsure how i'd feel about it because of our past. i will always care about him and he knows that but it's the distance that complicates everything. i told him whatever happens will happen when it's supposed to and to go for life now, but i can't seem to do that myself. i am dwelling in the past for other things and thinking about what might be now if i had tweaked one little thing. maybe if i hadn't said something, or i hadn't been jealous and vengeful, or even if i wasn't so passive. i tell him to live for the moment, but i'm just letting those moments fall through my grasp. i need to follow my own advice for once and become the strong, self assured person i wish i was. maybe it will all change with the coming new year? i do believe so. i do hope so.
the last thing i want to touch on is the whole jamie lynn spears thing. i'm not going to talk long because it doesn't even deserve me wasting a shred of time for it. honestly people by telling your kids that what's happening is alright you are condoning teen pregnancy. a sixteen year old who is supposed to be a role model is pregnant, and mothers are telling their kids that "zoe is just taking a little break". what are you going to tell them when her child appears on the show with her? oh that's her little friend? "welcome to the twenty-first century where no values are present". yes i do some outrageous things, but i know if i had the kind of power over a child's mind that celebrities possess, i wouldn't reveal i was pregnant to a magazine or neglect to tell my sister. the world we live in has become so influenced by media it scares me. you know when one of jim carey's lines in the grinch is about media power things may be getting a little too out of hand for our own good.
i will close my thoughts of the day with one word. if you understand, you are either extremely informed in my private life, or you are the politically incorrect soul this christ-tastic christmas. yarmulke.
the month. how has it been? long. chaotic. busy. it just shows the fact that i cannot stay committed to keeping anything due to my extremely sporadic attention span. actually, i like the way reed defined me last night. i believe he has given me the title of the "little spastic one". this month has mirrored that concept amazingly. i am in fact everywhere at once, thinking about random, unnecessary things. it has been an incredibly exhilarating experience unearthing even more of me this month for the world to see. to begin, allow me to display the senior pictures which i finally received this month. although i took them in august. you have to love the speed of studios. allow me to explain them and how they relate to me everyday and my spasticness.
the first attests to my passions. you're probably asking yourself how eating sushi represents a passion, so allow me to enlighten you. i have many passions, many quirks that make me a whole. one of them is eating sushi. i eat it more than the average person. a lot more. when is the last time i ate sushi? i ate it for lunch today. and dinner last night. need i say more? but this is not an expression of my eating habits. it is one of the pieces of kara. one of the random, insane things i am enthralled by. allow me to elaborate. music is no longer a passion but an obsession. i listen to music you've never heard of and probably never will. i listen to music people listen to everyday on the radio. i listen to music that moves me. it can be physical stimulation like those songs which make me want to dance until i can no longer stand, or it can be an emotional pull. all of my music has some emotional pull which causes me to think about what i've learned and allows me to reconnect with my inner self and grow as a person. for instance, i was listening to my new found obsession, amos lee, and i remembered something mr. veater told me sophomore year in drawing. we were talking about how it is important not to dwell on what has happened and to live for the present, for the moment. and then he said one of the most profound things i have ever been privileged to hear. he said, "isn't it funny how we say we need to live in the present when we're never in the present?" of course i was taken aback and confused. he went on to elaborate in saying, "we are always in the past. whatever we think is happening now has already happened, so we are living in the past. we are in the past because due to the speed of sound what we are hearing being said, has already been said, and what we are seeing is delayed due to the speed of light so it has already happened. therefore, we are never truly in the present." i had forgotten about this conversation for so long that i was amazed to find that i remembered all of it. remembering this is one of those strange little snaps back to reality that is due every so often. it is interjections like that which keep us grounded and level headed. however, life is about living for the rush, for the feeling of being invincible. i was privileged enough to go to planetfest 8 with ten of my best friends. planetfest was an all day concert featuring bands such as breaking benjamin, seether, drowning pool, finger eleven, and trapt. i had been to a concert with jay, robert, travis, and watson before, but the bigger group made the experience even more memorable. i will always remember them as the kids we crammed into a seven-seater van to find a convenience store in downtown jacksonville because meechie and meagan wanted cigarettes and everyone else needed to use the restroom when we were already in line for the concert. i'll remember handing rachel and anne my shoes and cell phone, yelling "i'm going up" to meechie and robert, getting tossed into the hands of twenty thousand people, hearing jay and watson yell, "hey it's kara", and experiencing the first crowd surf of my life. i'll remember munchkin getting his shoe stolen during a crowd surf, jay's concussion, and having to come to the rescue of robert and meechie at exit seven because robert's car died. these people have allowed me to be me and have given me some of the most respect i have ever received in my life this far. they are my big brothers, and i would be lost without them as a constant support in my life. for instance, travis called me yesterday when i was at work and left me a voicemail saying, "you didn't come to see wednesday at work, thursday was thanksgiving, and yesterday you didn't text me back. i haven't seen you for three days baby girl and i just want to make sure you're okay. call me when you get this." they are the boys i know will be there for me at the drop of a hat just because i miss them and want to hang out, or i've been hurt and just want to cry and have someone hold me. they have become part of my life and next year at college i will be lost without having them there to make me laugh or pick on me. i know that they'll never be far from me though. distnace wise they may be, but they'll never be too far to talk to me about ufc fight night and chuck lidell like jay and travis do or to shove candy in my pocket so no one else will steal it like meechie does.
moving on. before i elaborate though let me touch on that phrase. moving on? what exactly does it mean? i thought i knew what it meant, but it has managed to prove me wrong. ironically, i find myself falling right back into where i just got up from. so what is moving on? a transition or a facade? in my case it's a facade. in the case of this sporadic expression of my thoughts, it's a segue into my next rant.
there really is not much to say about the next picture except for the face. the smile. it's been real lately. not that it wasn't real before. but it's been pure and unadulterated lately. i applied to the school i've wanted to attend forever and i'll find out in two weeks if i'm good enough for them. i've been hanging out with old friends, people i never really got to know, and people who never really exited my life. i attribute most of this joy however to this little boy, the innocent child who i want to watch grow up into a fine young man, and hopefully i will have the ability to do so starting in seven months.
i don't even know where or how to begin talking about emile. "that home" by the cinematic orchestra is one that describes how my nephew has impacted my life. although i love nadia and eaden more than i will ever comprehend, emile brings me to a tranquility and peace. talking to him makes me feel as if i'm cleansing myself of everything that i have done and said throughout the day and giving me the opportunity to start over again. even when he was younger, he showed so many of the same characteristics and personality traits that my father had. and he allowed me to feel reconnected with my father once again. it is a shame that he was born four months too late to meet the amazing man who he bares so much resemblance to in my eyes. although the resemblance is not a physical one, he still shows my father's crude sense of humor and love for fooling people. i love talking to him on the phone and hearing him talk about scarecrows, eaden being mean, green paint, and laughing at claudia. he is barely over two and has this wisdom about him which draws people closer to him. one of my favorite memories was last april when i was outside with eaden, emile, and nadia. nadia and eaden were doing their nightly chores, so i was playing with emile. of course, true to new england's spastic weather, it had snowed the night before so there was a layer of snow on the ground. emile would stumble his way up the hill, and roll down for me to catch him. he loved it when i'd pretend he'd knock me over and would fall backwards, so i did it almost everytime just so i could see him smile and hear his laugh. i remember eric coming over and sitting with me on the hill and talking to me while emile just sat on my lap playing with leaves. everything was happy and perfect and i hadn't messed up everything due to my attraction to someone other than eric. other than the boy who told me he loved me. however i don't regret any of it at all. the other attraction opened my eyes to other things in the world that i know i would have overlooked such as the amusement from talking about card games, the brilliance of ayn rand, playing in the walmart toy department and noticing how at least one part of every piece of merchandise is missing, and so many other things. however, it was that day in april that talking to emile on the phone allows me to reconnect with. this small child truly has the power to brighten the lives of those he meets and will always bear the trait.
the last picture applies to majority of my break. the beach. oh how i forgot the joy the beach brings at night. it had been forever since i had last been there and just laid down. every other time i was running for some stupid thing or another. it all started last monday night however. i went to dinner with ali, ian, and andrew. i hadn't seen ian since last march and we had never really hung out, but i saw andrew at football games yet was still oblivious to the fact he took the semester off before he left for college. needless to say, we ended up eating, ian, ali, and i went to the playground while andrew picked up his friend from out of town, we played a crazy game of frisbee at ten when it was pitch black, and then finally made it to the beach. some how, i was one of two smart people who brought a jacket to that night, so we all ended up huddled together in the sand. we saw a combined number of five shooting stars over the hour we were out there, and we became inspired to go out there again one night and camp. ali and i then decided to go to school for first and second period tuesday and then skip the rest of the day because it wasn't worth going to and i had already skipped my zero period. ali, ian, lane, and i ended up watching dogma and comedy central stand-up tuesday night, but nothing compared to wednesday. ali, ian, lane, lauren, matt, and i went to the beach from about nine to two a.m. we invented ridiculous but surprisingly fun games with our sleeping bags, and at about eleven-thirty matt, lane, and lauren left. ian, ali, and i finally got to lay in our own sleeping bags and just relax. andrew and natalie stopped by for a minute, but i fell asleep so i don't remember them leaving. in the end, we all ended up passing out in the midst of our very interesting conversation and our hysterical laughter over ian's sleeping bag. it's nights like those that i cherish though. the nights that we do nothing but just lay there and admire everything beautiful we have been given. i know no other way to end this but to leave you with these questions? do you know what beauty is? true beaty? do you know what peace is? or is it just what you think peace has been stereotyped to signify? have you missed the beauty and the peace? have you missed the golden star changing your life? i believe i overlooked mine until now.
this weekend truly has been one of ups and downs. some inspirational ups, and some downs that weren't so pleasent but were a snap back to reality.
my main weekend event was an enormous one that has continued and will continue to impact me all week. my car died. this is not an exaggeration. i was backing out of ali's driveway and it decided to hate me and die. it's not the battery because my car turns on, the engine just won't turn over. allow me to set the tone of the event though. it's 8:57 pm and i'm pulling out of ali's driveway in ogelthorpe park. i'm halfway out of her driveway and my car shuts off, no warning, nothing to tell me it was going to do so. i turn the car on, attempt to get the engine to turn over and fail. miserably. three times. ali walks out of her house laughing and says, "i thought a bird died," and i said, "no ali, try a car". i attempt to back my car out of the driveway in neutral, but my steering wheel is locked and won't turn so i end up sticking out halfway in the street. my mother comes to call triple a and rescue me, but i then find out that it will the extremely reliable company at least an hour to send a tow truck. my mother and i end up getting into an argument about college and i tell her, "i would no longer like to sit her in the car with you". she then tells me i can walk home. my mother doesn't realize how determined and headstrong i am, so i begin my one and two-thirds of a mile trek home. do realize i'm wearing what i wore to work so i am wearing capris, heels, a nicer shirt, and a jacket. i get in front of st. william's catholic church before i realize that one of my favorite earrings has fallen out, and that i left my cell phone in the back of my mom's car. so i am phoneless, at 9:20 pm walking frederica road with no phone and one earring. thankfully i realize when i get to the demere-frederica intersection that i have chocolate in my pocket so i can eat for the first time since that morning. needless to say, i make it home at 10:10 pm and am now carless.
here's the most hilarious movie i have ever seen in my entire life. it is a japanese game show that, in my opinion, should be aired in america. it makes me love the brilliance of asains even more. thank you for sharing your incredibly smart stupidity.
